Oakland, California

Upon learning of Clemson’s recent trip to the White House after slaughtering Alabama in the National Championship game of college football, the Golden State Warriors are both privately and publicly regretting their decision to decline President Trump’s offer to visit the White House. While technically the President’s offer never came, the Warriors had decided against visiting before an offer would’ve theoretically been made. However, when Warriors veteran Andre Iguodala learned of the details of Clemson’s visit, the news spread around the locker room lightening speed.

“They got Wendy’s AND McDonald’s?! Are you fucking kidding me?” yelled Warriors guard Stephen Curry. “Who’s goddamn idea was it to turn that shit down? Jesus Christ…”

Amongst the most visibly upset along with Curry was forward Draymond Green who could be seen sobbing in the corner, and Klay Thompson who pointed out that he had a “Serious case of the munchies” after finishing a bong rip from his locker stall. The discontent was felt throughout the locker room from stars to role players and even to Jonas Jerebko. However, it was Kevin Durant who chose to address the media after learning of President Trump’s out of pocket GrubHub order from three separate fast food chains. “I didn’t betray a loyal fanbase and Russ to come here and eat some goddamn avocado toast when we’ve won a championship. I thought Steph might’ve been right at the time, Trump has said some bad stuff. But looking back, maybe we should let bygones be bygones. I just think we made a mistake.” Durant was visibly shaken when he also asked the media with a hopeful look “Maybe he could still invite us over?”

President Trump has also chimed in on the revelation that Golden State was regretting their decision, calmly as always handling a flurry of questions from reporters. “It’s a shame that the Warriors were unable to participate in a privately funded feast for the ages like we had here today with the Clemson Crimson Tide. Maybe the next champions of the NBA will think twice before disrespecting this office. Personally I’m rooting for the Celtics, that Hayward kid is truly something else isn’t he?”

Another note of interest, LeBron James seems to have removed his tweet accusing the President of being a “bum” and is reportedly as hungry as ever for a fourth championship. “He might’ve said some bad stuff in the past but he seems like a good dude who orders a lot of Big Macs” remarked James.